How to have those "hard" conversations with your daughter...
· Try to remain calm; however, let her know how you feel!
· Let her know you are happy that she chose you to share this information with!
· Actively listen to her concerns or comments. This allows you to fully understand the "why!"
· Try not to be judgmental or show any signs of judging her. By doing this, your daughter will feel like she can come and talk to you about anything no matter if it's something that will upset you or not.
· Thank her for coming to talk to you and let her know how much it meant to you.
As a mother, we hold our daughters to a very high standard for several different reasons. Reasons such as: we don't want them making the same mistakes we made, we vowed to never raise our children the way our parents may have raised us, and of course we want a daughter we can brag about.
However, we have to stop and remember that our daughters will make mistakes because she's human. Not to justify your wrongdoings, but think about the disgraceful things you done and said as a young girl that more than likely drove your mom up the wall. You weren't perfect and you were bound to make mistakes. The same goes for your daughter. That is why experiences are the greatest teachers. Every child will not learn from a "taught lesson" which is you telling them not to make a certain mistake and why that mistake shouldn't be made. Therefore, some will learn from a "bought lesson" which is experiencing something on their own and realizing that is the route they never want to take again.
How To Build Your Mother-Daughter Relationship...
Set Realistic Expectations
Our daughters expect us to be nurturing and easy going ALL THE TIME; however, that will not always be the case. Likewise, we expect our daughters to make the best decisions and do the right things ALL THE TIME and again that will not always be the case.
Show Respect In Order To Receive Respect
Think about how you want to be treated. Although your daughter is not an adult, she should still be respected. We are our daughters first teacher; therefore, how we treat and talk to our daughter teaches her things to accept.
Be An Active Listener
Being an active listener allows you to actually hear what your daughter is saying and get to the underlying issue or concern.
Put Yourself In Her Shoes
Please keep in mind and understand that you are raising your daughter in a totally different time era than what you were raised in. Not saying you will always agree with what your daughter is doing, but by placing yourself in her shoes you are able to see things from her perspective even if you don't agree.
Learn To Forgive
The more you forgive, the quicker you can start to heal.
Agree To Disagree
Understand as her mother, you will not always view issues/conflicts from the same lens as your daughter and that's ok!
Don't Bring In Third Parties
Bringing in third parties or too many third parties breaks the trust bond among you and your daughter. She may feel like she can not tell you anything because you're going to tell her business. By constantly doing this the trust is broken. IF you have to bring in someone else for your own sanity, try to do so once you're alone.
Still Having Anxiety With Tackling Those "Hard" Conversations?
Purchase a journal just for you and your daughter. When there's a situation or topic that's hard to discuss with your daughter, write in the journal your feelings, concerns, and comments then give to her to do the same.